Embracing Life’s Twists: How I Found Joy After Tragedy

The Pipoly Family

Embracing Life’s Twists: How I Found Joy After Tragedy

When I thought I was in the final year of my dad's life, I did not realize I was in the final year of my marriage.

I have been quiet for a while now. It's been hard to put into words how the last ten years have somehow crept up on me and my feelings. There is much to unpack, so this is just a fair warning.

No one ever said to me I would be doing life alone at the age of 46. When I met my husband at age 20, I thought we would spend a very long time together even though he was 20 years older than me.  I am thankful we did have 26 years of friendship and marriage together. I must admit that sometimes, because of my lack of desire to do something, I remind myself how much I did in those 26 years. I got to travel everywhere, meet very important people, and experience things that are precious core memories. I hosted parties, ran through airports, and missed flights because Carl and I were sharing a bottle of wine. We sat staring out airport windows at snowstorms, thinking we didn't care because we had each other. We watched our kids grow up and celebrated their victories. I was so blessed.

So yes, when I thought I was in the final year of my dad's life, I did not realize I was in the final year of my marriage. As I look back, would I have done anything differently? Probably not.

But I didn't know what was ahead for me after Carl died. My kids have given me such a great sense of strength and support. So, as I look back at the last decade of my life as Esther, here is what I reflect upon:

I had to fight for life insurance.

I left a city that embraced me to come back to Texas.

I returned to my childhood home.

I found new friends.

I kept a few old ones around who cheered me on.

I started a new business that people needed help understanding.

I made a few bad business decisions.

I unquestioningly trusted others.

I felt small.

Also,

I had a grandchild, and everything changed.

I became someone a small person looked up to.

I was a voice of strength for him.

I found my New number one thing.

I watched my son get married.

I gained a new daughter.

I saw my daughter get her master's degree and enter Law School.

I found my voice again.

I found what I loved and started believing that I was where I belonged.

I looked in the mirror and saw someone who acknowledged the sadness, but I am joyful for everything I have learned.

Now,

I am hopeful that in the next ten years, I will see my daughter become a Lawyer.

I will continue to see my son as a wonderful husband and father to his wife and son.

I will see my grandson go through elementary, middle, and high school.

I will sell my business and allow someone to take on the vision I had to help others.

I will see more grey hairs and wrinkles take over my body, and I will be okay with that transition.

I will probably get slower.

I have learned to be still and be quiet.

I have started saying I Love you more often.

I have learned when to hit the Stop button and say "No" more.

No one said life would be fair, but it has certainly been interesting. I Thank God daily for being here to help others and remind myself how alone I was and how many people needed me and LOLA.

The silence has been difficult because it makes you feel all kinds of emotions. But I go back to my friend and Coach, Dr. Sandra Steen, who helped me identify my inner Warrior Child- the young girl who will stand with you and guide you. She brought that to the surface when I started LOLA and told me never to forget my inner warrior child- because that is who moves me through all of the pain, frustration & sadness. I am Thankful for the Warrior in me.

Thank you to all who have made the 10-year journey with me, from friends in Denver who have never forgotten about me and checked in to my San Antonio friends who have paved a new way of life with me.  Thank you to family members who always support me and business colleagues who have always helped me with answers and a soft place to land in my moments of questioning myself and my vision.

But I am incredibly Thankful to my children, Nathan, Katherine, and Adyn, for continuing to make me laugh, smile, and be proud, whether they are near or far. Of course, I cannot forget my Number One Thing—Noah, who does make being a grandma so wonderful. I can hardly wait to witness your journey and make wonderful memories together.

Cheers to the Next 10 years~

Esther/LOLA

My Godmother, Mary Esther Bernal

Some of my best childhood memories are those spent with my Godparents. I recall so many weekends being at my godparent's home watching our parents play scrabble until 2 am. Us children would run around, playing in the dark and watching TV until that screen came on to say – no more tv - I had the best moments of laughter, jokes, fireworks, eating pies, and coffee until we were sick- times of my childhood with my Godparents and their family. Every milestone was celebrated together.

When I became pregnant at 16, my Godparents sheltered me so my family could plan out my future. When I had Nathan, my Godmother and cousin Becky would sneak into the hospital and bring our family priest to baptize Nathan in my room. For years, every holiday, every gift was so special. (The last gift was a flashlight I have next to my bed.)

When my mom passed away in 1999, I called to tell my Godmother, and I can still hear the shriek of grief and disbelief. After that, she, my Godmother, would become a mom to me. Always encouraging me, and she and my Godfather were my first LOLA clients to get prepared. (It helped so much with answers for her kids this last year.)

I learned so much from my Godmother about being funny, serious, intelligent, and graceful. She touched so many people through her career at San Antonio Independent School District and as choral director at San Fernando Cathedral. When someone would pass away, it was she that sat at the organ in church and played.

Sometime after my mom passed away, I was at an event for my father at St. Mary's University. I was standing with my Godmother and another family friend. They turned to me and asked me, "Do you know how you got your name?" I stared at them and replied, "I believe I am named after you, Aunt Mary Esther?" She smirked and pointed to herself, "Yes, me Mary Esther," and then she pointed to my other aunt, a very dear friend of my parents, "and her Mary Louise."

I am Esther Louise.

I stared at them and smiled. I had never put the thoughts together, and until that moment, as they both stood looking at me, I had never felt so much Love and responsibility to make sure I lived up to my name. Both women were huge giants to me, and for the remainder of the years since my mom passed, they played vital roles in my life.

Last May, when my cousin Becky called to say my Godmother was ill, I can remember feeling like I was entering the slippery slope of having another giant in my life start to die. I went to visit my Godmother in a temporary facility while her home was being renovated so that she could resume living there. She was tiny in her bed, lying in the dark. She was so happy to see me. We sat and talked and walked through some memories together. While she needed some help recalling details, she was still graceful and beautiful. I left the facility to go to her house to help her family move furniture, paint, clean carpets, and get her room set up for her arrival. I still have the pants I wore with paint on them to remind me of those few days. And when it was over and the house was ready, I ordered some groceries to be delivered and drove off.

I could not go back; I knew that the road ahead would be full of twists and turns. And the most challenging part of my job is knowing when to step back – even in the most personal matters. It's the family's rite of passage.

And then... on Thursday, March 12th of this year, as I was arriving at my office, I got the sweetest text from my cousin. And I knew another Angel was with my mom, dad, and husband. I had to laugh inside because I always joke that I have a bit of FOMO – Fear of Missing Out when all the fun people are on the other side. After all, all my funniest moments were with them.

I worked through the day, and at about 3:30, I called it a day and knew I needed to pick up a six-pack of Coronas and a bottle of prosecco and head over to see my Godfather. He sat sadly and spoke of his broken heart, and then we sat in silence. My Godparents were the last "parentals" for my kids and me. I will forever cherish every memory and moment singing as my Godmother played the piano.

Thank you, Mary Esther Bernal; I promise to try and be as graceful and elegant as you.

Esther Louise.

Don't Give up Now.

Don’t give up now.

As we enter into September, I can vividly see back in March when we first entered into COVID19 hibernation and pandemic when Dr. Fauci said, “we could be into this for months at least until August”…  AUGUST?!!!  My kids and I freaked! Good grief how will we ever make it? Toilet paper, paper towels, food limits, could we do this for the next 5 months?

As we entered into May, we had conflicting messages ~ it’s ok to go out, don’t wear a mask, wear a mask, open up restaurants and bars, shut them down, go back to work, go home.  Need I go on?

In our sweet Texas town of San Antonio, so blessed with many people who are friendly and love our Mexican food, (mainly tacos) we started the summer with Memorial Day. Families gathered, friends got together, and graduations began like none other before. New ways of celebrating life’s most important moments were captured on social media. I have to hand it to families with high schoolers graduating, they made some really cool moments.

 In late June, our numbers of those infected crept up and our community was clearly under attack. Precautions were taken and we slowly went back to our homes being cautious.

 For LOLA, I have to admit I have witnessed and listened to families grieve like NEVER before. While some people may take this post as a political message, I say to you this ~ Death is not political. Death will take us all and does not care whether you are young or old or relatively healthy or not ~ Death is sad. 

 Families are hurting, families are struggling to balance home schooling, work and life.

 Families are watching their loved ones die on Facetime or Zoom. They cannot wrap their brains around this reality. Families who were in need of hearts, had cancer or some major illness, are grieving their loved ones who are also dying during this muted time. Families are struggling and sad.

 My message is simple ~ No matter what the media shows you ~ DO NOT GIVE UP NOW.

 Continue to do everything to protect the ones you love as well as strangers.  Now more than ever is a time to be Selfless. 

 If you know someone needing support during this time, please let us know, we are here to help.

 www.lossoflifeadvocates.com