Our LOLA Advocates Wear Super Hero Capes!

How many of you have been in a car accident and wished someone else was there to guide you through all the crazy stuff?

Recently, our LOLA Advocate Jesse Morales helped a family who had been in a serious car accident. With a car totaled and injuries, he was able to assist them. His 20 plus years in the insurance industry allowed him to be able to focus on the family, helping guide them through all the nuances of what happens after an accident. He was their HERO! Moving them through all the processes because he knows where the gaps are!

• Filing an auto claim

• Legal referral

• Gao claim for auto

• Credit counseling for auto replacement

• Shopping for a new car

• Personal Injury claim Just to name a few things....

  LOLA loves to help our clients get prepared by walking them through all the forms to make sure they have everything in order in case of a life transition, but we also serve a ministry to our clients, being there with them during difficult moments.

  When we serve our clients, we refer them to only the vendors we feel can empathize with them during the difficult moments.

  If you want to learn more or know someone who would be a great LOLA Advocate, contact us. Our Advocates fill in the gaps everywhere!

  Call or text us at 210-802-2224 Email info@lossoflifeadvocates.com

If you look into clouds, you can see baby footprints in the sky

I started to write about Mother’s Day and then an image lit up in my head. An image of a client I recently helped that lost her baby way too soon. The vision of her bravery hit me like a wave, and as much as I wanted to write a blog about my own kids, I knew what my heart wanted to do was write about hers.

For the sake of privacy, I won’t say her name, but she is beautiful. Imagine a picture-perfect Hallmark card mom with 4 sons. Her hands are full with their energy and when she lost her baby son, she and her husband dove right in and swallowed up the Grief.

They showed us how to handle as best as possible through faith what it looked like to answer God’s call for their son. While to some it made no sense, to her as a mom, she did what so many of us do all the time, we get up, and start moving to make mac n cheese for the other kiddos. She played and laughed with the boys and knew at the back of her brain how much it hurt yet showed grace to us the entire time.

It has been a few months since she and her husband suffered their loss. But to me I can go back to the day we sat and tried to cover up grief with laughter and I remember then I said to myself, her Mother’s Days will always be a little less in some ways and she will know more about the meaning of Mother’s Day better than the rest of us.

While most of us will visit with our kids this Mother’s Day, I ask you to sit for a moment, take a deep breath and think of this lovely lady and send her light and love for her first Mother’s Day without her baby.

If you know someone who has suffered a loss and is a Mother, please reach out and send them your love and light.

Happy Mother’s Day to my client, who I will forever adore. And to all the moms and daughters out there- Happy Mother’s Day to you~

LOLA

We will call you when the death certificates are ready….

Now what??! I asked myself. There were so many things to do yet I was emotionally exhausted. Exhausted from comforting others who were sad I had lost my spouse, sad that my life had changed and would never be the same. Sad because there would always be a BEFORE and now an AFTER when I thought of my life story.

The funeral director paused and asked if there was anything else they could do~ but Everything they could do was done.  I was lost, standing on the hot pavement knowing that every single person up to this moment had done Everything they could do for me.

I was alone, to figure out the challenges of my late husband’s life and now I had a new title Widow. I was confused and looking for help, I needed direction but from someone who could be impartial, lend a helping hand and not judge me. I needed someone in the deep end of the pool to say I would be alright.

 I already had friends telling me they had looked up the 5 stages of grief created by Elizabeth Kubler-Ross. And telling me which stage they could help me with…

I needed someone who was not my family to listen and help me make a plan. 

When I speak to hospice worker’s I marvel how they usher a family through death knowing that they have another family right after and how they do this with grace and so much compassion, but they acknowledge they end the relationship at death, where the funeral home begins.

 When I speak to Funeral home Directors, I tell me them what they do is amazing but after the funeral (other than grief support - which I didn’t need the first 12 months) what else can they do?  I get a blink-blink of the eyes and they ask me well what else is there?

 There is so much to do. This is one of the reasons I started LOLA. So that I could catch that family member before they fall off the cliff after the funeral. 

 If you or someone you know needs help due to a recent diagnosis or a recent loss, please remember LOLA.  We are here to help.

“I am so unhappy with my current Financial Advisor...do you like yours?”

I was sitting in the office waiting area of a Financial Advisor who works closely with LOLA when an older lady I had come up in the elevator with blurted this out across the room to me. She had arrived with me and was sitting and waiting for her appointment. I had noticed she seemed upset and she had made a big sigh before she said this out loud to me.

I reached in my purse and gave her my card, I mentioned that I was a consultant and would be happy to help her. She said that her seasoned Financial Advisor of many years had left the group and they had given her as a client to a new young kid. I cracked up, “Thank god I decided to let my grey hairs grow in!” We both laughed. She said she was unhappy and had no idea how to change from the guy they had assigned her to. I mentioned she could go to any advisor she wanted and that she had a say in the process. About 2 minutes later, the office manager came up and told her that her appointment was the day before and her Advisor was out of the office. The lady looked at me and asked if she could meet the Advisor I was there to see. I nodded my head and said, “you can have my appointment time!”

We quickly discussed her lengthy career in teaching, then my Trusted LOLA Advisor came to the front and I mentioned he may have a new client. He sat back on his heels and said he was happy to help. We met briefly regarding another client and then I left him and this cute lady to meet and see if the connection was good.

Many times, we get to refer out to our valuable resources for LOLA clients, breaking through all the layers of interviewing and time it takes to find the right person for their team.

We enjoy seeing our clients make great connections with resources we think are valuable.

Children, Parents & Loss ~ Our Corporate Plan

It’s not something anyone wants to think about. Ever. We received a call late last week from a Corporate Client of ours needing help for one of its most valuable employees. After the initial shock of hearing the news, we immediately jumped in and started to help.

I have to admit the funeral home was a bit taken aback, not quite sure what I was doing standing in their foyer asking about services but after I explained I was Advocating for a family, they provided the information I needed. I am used to working with most funeral homes and have made great contacts with a lot of them, but this was a new relationship I was building.

We contacted the church and drove out to gravesites to provide scope for the family.

Our goal is to lessen the blow for families.

On Saturday, I received a call from the funeral director asking for some family information and she politely said, “We do what you do, we do it all the time, so rest assured we have this…”

I hesitated and then told her it was my job to make sure the family feels safe and supported. I know funeral directors do their best and they do a great job.  Our job at LOLA is to provide guidance and support.  Plus, we are there for the family way after the funeral to help provide support and guidance.

As I sat on Sunday morning and was putting an obituary outline together, I realized Advocating is one of our key goals to be there to help at a most vulnerable and sad time. While we think most people have families to help them, sometimes they need a third party to step in and just be there in observance ~ to let the entire family grieve.

Children are God’s true blessings and when for unknowing reasons they are taken from us too soon, it feels unsteady and sad. Our mission at LOLA is to support before, during and after a loss.

Our Corporate client hired us to help prepare their employees and support them during a life transition. It’s a perfect fit to provide the support the employee needs then guide them into an Employee Assistance Program or counseling at the appropriate time.

We value our clients trusting us, and our partners.  The funeral directors and pastors are miracle workers with what they do, and we are so grateful for them and their service.

 LOLA is here to provide guidance and support before, during and after a loss.

Thank You President Bush ~

I couldn’t take my eyes off the train carrying President George Bush (41) home from Spring, Texas to College Station.

I was obsessed with every detail of the ceremony – from beginning to end. The number of times they played -Hail to the Chief- and thinking his family must cringe knowing they are one step closer to burying him next to his loving partner and daughter with every note.

I thought how Amazing it was he picked every little detail about his funeral, and I laughed thinking it really was Trains, Planes and Automobiles to the very end!

I was touched how he even picked out the food his family would have on the train on the way to College Station and when he arrived, and they played the Aggie Fight Song, I as a Texan, burst into tears.  My heart burst with JOY that he was home with his wife and daughter!  Let’s face it, it was inevitable that I would cry, and I did get tearful when his son George W. Bush cracked at the end of his eulogy and watching James Baker do the same, I was fighting back what was my underlying feeling this whole week – sadness.

Sadness for someone who graced the offices he served with confidence, adored his wife and loved his family.  Who could ask for more in a human?

When I reflected and thought about it all, I realized WHY I was so obsessed with every detail.  Because HE had preplanned his funeral.  Now, I know we are not all Presidents and we don’t have the budget for this grand of an affair, I can say this was a final lesson he was teaching all of us.

Be prepared. Have the conversations. Don’t be afraid to tell the people you LOVE that you LOVE them. And have a vision about how you want to be celebrated and how you want your family and friends to feel about your life and legacy.

That was one of the many reasons I created LOLA. Because I want people to say, “I want my life to be celebrated this way and I want my family to feel loved to the end.”

I was recently at a local senior home to pick up some paperwork for a client and I took a moment to stop and feel gratitude for all the wonderful people who everyday get up and take care of family members who no longer can live at home or function within a family any longer. I could see Angels in the room.

Most people drive by these homes and don’t think twice until they are faced with a loved one’s situation.  I have to admit I was in the same space until my dad had to enter into a home. I learned to rethink how we as humans respect each other and how at the end of someone’s life it could be the most important time of a loved one’s life where respect and dignity is so important.  There is a special kind of person who values the life of those that have become unable to care for themselves and are willing to share holidays working to care and support their patients to make them feel comfortable and secure.  They provide the buffer to families, so they can share time with their loved ones.  I can recall picking up my dad, driving him out to Boerne, Texas dropping him with friends to only turn around and pick him up three hours later to return him back to the nursing home facility to the waiting nurses to administer a change and medical support. I was exhausted and didn’t want to miss anything nor want my dad to miss anything. It was a busy time and I knew at some point, I would lose my dad ~ but it was the nurses who were the real hero’s that waited on him and helped him change, bathe and get ready for bed.  I would sit and watch and think, how thankful I was for each of them.

If you ever want to look into the future, stop by and walk through or become a volunteer. Many families are worn out trying to care for their loved ones in a home while working a career and raising their own family. It can be so incredibly overwhelming. So, this year, give Thanks for your today, your everything, meaning your family and friends.  The present is so important, give way to any disagreements to share time and space to know one day we could be in a place where we depend on perfect Angels to care for us and provide the buffer for our families.

Give Thanks to those Angels who show up and care for those that cannot speak for themselves on holidays and everyday.

Be present in your Thanksgiving.

Years have passed and in some ways the holidays never get any easier. 

I have made new friends, and still have great times with old friends. But as the weather begins to change and I awake each morning a little chilled I think ~ here come the holidays. I walk into an HEB and am instantly reminded of what is to be and I cannot avoid it. The wave of emotions hits as I go up and down each aisle.  I know HEB doesn’t mean to do this to me but its stings.

Gratitude

I woke up early, actually I woke myself up because it was the second night in a row I dreamt of my late husband, Carl and I forced myself awake. The dreams were telling me something and it was unsettling. I needed to shake it off.

Rainy, rainy Sunday mornings. They almost make you want to sleep in and hide for the day or get some work done that is much needed. For me, I decided I needed to clean up emails. So, I poured my coffee and dug into my first email account. I clicked to go to the first pages of emails and then it stopped me in my tracks.

September 2014, I had not gone back there in a long time.

But as I started to scroll, I started to think to myself ~how could I ever forget the pain, confusion, anger, frustration and sadness from this time period in my life?

“I was silently suffering through STERBS..”

“How do you like your eggs?”

This is my favorite line from The Runaway Bride.

How do you know what you like if you don’t know what your favorite eggs are in the first place?  I have spent the better part of 4 years trying to work through this analogy/question, because it pertains to everything in my new life. 

In 2017, when I started creating LOLA, my dream was to help people in a time they needed it most. Before, during and after a loss.

However, the business side of building a dream means:

I am living in 2 different worlds. The LOLA world where my heart is always full because I am in the depths with families, helping them during the darkest of times and then in the business world dealing with vendors, contracts and the administration of LOLA.

Sometimes finding vendors who really understand you can be difficult, it can be very much like learning what type of eggs you like. 

I recently had an AHA moment!  And I realized I needed to begin asking these questions when it came to the business side of my life. (heck even my personal side)

Has this person experienced a LOSS? Have they ever watched someone they LOVED Die and then not know if gravity is up or down?

 I realized I had a new perspective on a new-criteria I needed to start including for LOLA and myself.  If you haven’t experienced LOSS, you probably won’t ever understand me. YES, I was finding the type of eggs I like, and it is a process.

Being a business owner and widow brings many new challenges, but after almost four years I am finding out a lot about myself. When I was married to Carl, everything was scrambled eggs and in the challenging times Eggs Benedict…But now, I really Love Sunny Side Up eggs!

What kind of eggs do you like?

Getting in the weeds to find the best financial partners.

Due diligence is a process I really dislike, but now that I am alone, I have to do my due diligence in almost every big decision I make for myself.

After losing my husband, one of the biggest adjustments I faced was learning to travel alone. I asked my friend and national etiquette expert Diane Gottsman to share her thoughts on how women can learn to navigate the sometimes intimidating world of flying solo. 

November 8, 2017 

Vulnerable.... 

Is how I feel day in and day out now that I am alone.  

Being alone when you are young before you find your soul mate, is one thing.  You are vibrantly unafraid of anything and throw all of your sensibility out the window.  Then one day, you run into your soulmate and Voila! Your destiny is set.  And if you are lucky enough bobbing and weaving through the rough patches you have a some-what normal marriage or union. Kids, dogs, sports you name it, you are in the middle of it all.  Directing the traffic of your life~ you are on top of it! The best part of it is you have a partner to lean on and be the person who will listen and assure you when you are on the right track or reel you back in when you are way off course.  

That was my life.  

Then the other alone happened to me.  I became a widow.  That word makes me want to throw a chair through a window.  That word tells the world you have been left alone.  Your soul mate has left and you are alone in the world. 

The vulnerability sets in, you are fighting to get out of the shadows.  When you have work to be done, you have to ask your friends for help.  Even though they say when you've had a loss, "call us, anytime" you feel like you are a burden.  So, you try and hire people, and when they find out you are alone, you get the elevated pricing.  Or in my case when I hired roofers, I was told not to ask questions and then there was the plumber that charged me $350 to fix a faucet.  I have experienced it all from creative kinds of people who were "helping me" to various contractors, the vulnerability is all the same. 

Vulnerability.  I am having to learn to have a new voice and sometimes I have to stretch a little outside of my comfort-zone. I was told early on after my loss, that allowing others to see your vulnerability is a strength. I am starting to flex the muscle a little bit more ~ and learning to find my own voice ~ even three years later.