Embracing Life’s Twists: How I Found Joy After Tragedy

The Pipoly Family

Embracing Life’s Twists: How I Found Joy After Tragedy

When I thought I was in the final year of my dad's life, I did not realize I was in the final year of my marriage.

I have been quiet for a while now. It's been hard to put into words how the last ten years have somehow crept up on me and my feelings. There is much to unpack, so this is just a fair warning.

No one ever said to me I would be doing life alone at the age of 46. When I met my husband at age 20, I thought we would spend a very long time together even though he was 20 years older than me.  I am thankful we did have 26 years of friendship and marriage together. I must admit that sometimes, because of my lack of desire to do something, I remind myself how much I did in those 26 years. I got to travel everywhere, meet very important people, and experience things that are precious core memories. I hosted parties, ran through airports, and missed flights because Carl and I were sharing a bottle of wine. We sat staring out airport windows at snowstorms, thinking we didn't care because we had each other. We watched our kids grow up and celebrated their victories. I was so blessed.

So yes, when I thought I was in the final year of my dad's life, I did not realize I was in the final year of my marriage. As I look back, would I have done anything differently? Probably not.

But I didn't know what was ahead for me after Carl died. My kids have given me such a great sense of strength and support. So, as I look back at the last decade of my life as Esther, here is what I reflect upon:

I had to fight for life insurance.

I left a city that embraced me to come back to Texas.

I returned to my childhood home.

I found new friends.

I kept a few old ones around who cheered me on.

I started a new business that people needed help understanding.

I made a few bad business decisions.

I unquestioningly trusted others.

I felt small.

Also,

I had a grandchild, and everything changed.

I became someone a small person looked up to.

I was a voice of strength for him.

I found my New number one thing.

I watched my son get married.

I gained a new daughter.

I saw my daughter get her master's degree and enter Law School.

I found my voice again.

I found what I loved and started believing that I was where I belonged.

I looked in the mirror and saw someone who acknowledged the sadness, but I am joyful for everything I have learned.

Now,

I am hopeful that in the next ten years, I will see my daughter become a Lawyer.

I will continue to see my son as a wonderful husband and father to his wife and son.

I will see my grandson go through elementary, middle, and high school.

I will sell my business and allow someone to take on the vision I had to help others.

I will see more grey hairs and wrinkles take over my body, and I will be okay with that transition.

I will probably get slower.

I have learned to be still and be quiet.

I have started saying I Love you more often.

I have learned when to hit the Stop button and say "No" more.

No one said life would be fair, but it has certainly been interesting. I Thank God daily for being here to help others and remind myself how alone I was and how many people needed me and LOLA.

The silence has been difficult because it makes you feel all kinds of emotions. But I go back to my friend and Coach, Dr. Sandra Steen, who helped me identify my inner Warrior Child- the young girl who will stand with you and guide you. She brought that to the surface when I started LOLA and told me never to forget my inner warrior child- because that is who moves me through all of the pain, frustration & sadness. I am Thankful for the Warrior in me.

Thank you to all who have made the 10-year journey with me, from friends in Denver who have never forgotten about me and checked in to my San Antonio friends who have paved a new way of life with me.  Thank you to family members who always support me and business colleagues who have always helped me with answers and a soft place to land in my moments of questioning myself and my vision.

But I am incredibly Thankful to my children, Nathan, Katherine, and Adyn, for continuing to make me laugh, smile, and be proud, whether they are near or far. Of course, I cannot forget my Number One Thing—Noah, who does make being a grandma so wonderful. I can hardly wait to witness your journey and make wonderful memories together.

Cheers to the Next 10 years~

Esther/LOLA

Peace

Everyone wants it, and seldom do we ever really appreciate it when it happens. This year was a wonderful year for me and LOLA.

Personally, I made the painfully emotional decision to move away from a childhood home that had sheltered me after all of my life losses. Why? A new neighbor moved in a year ago and started harassing my family, so in the spring, I decided we should pick up and move. It was a difficult decision to make, but it was the best decision for all of us. Since then, life has flowed more smoothly; there is more space, more laughter ~ and more LOVE.

Professionally, I took a different approach to the year. As I entered

my 6th year in business, I decided to let God lead the way. I leaned into hearing what he was saying, and he did not disappoint. He guided me to the most genuine, loving, kindhearted businesspeople who all had the same philosophy as I do. The small nuggets led to larger ones and eventually guided me into amazing things happening for LOLA. Don’t get me wrong; I had to let go of some relationships to move forward. And that caused an emotional toll on me. I proved to myself that I could do difficult things.

So, as we enter into the finality of another year, I look back with open eyes and an open heart at all the lessons I learned and all those people who touched me with their lives and losses.

I stand rooted deeply in my faith that if you stop and listen, you will find Peace. You may also hear something else ~ Your Voice.

Cheers to everyone as you spend time with your loved ones. Take a moment for your hearts and, with curiosity, look forward to a New Year of good health and LOVE.

LOLA ~ Esther

See You Later Alligator! You are in my rearview mirror.

That is how I feel about 2020. I can honestly say I have had some of the highest highs and lowest lows this year. From a fabulous start in January to a halting screech in March. Panicking over how I will make it through and keep my business alive. Trying to help families via video and phone calls. It all seemed so overwhelming. And honestly, I was scared. 

Then there was a moment when I stopped, listened, and thought about what the universe was telling me. I realized, that even when I thought the loneliness would kill me someone called me, texted me, or reached out. I learned to tell those people I really and truly loved that I loved them. I created space in relationships that no longer needed my attention.  I leaned into what I was feeling and let myself be angry or cry.  I even realized that maybe this was preparing me for something else.  

I have seen the best and worst in people, and in a year with so much friction and distractions, I had to learn to pay attention to what our society was turning into. We are so divided that we have forgotten how to love each other without reservation.

I don’t know about you but I long for the days to be in a crowd, to sit in a restaurant, or have the freedom to have dinner with friends. I long to just go to a spin class and as the lights go out and the music starts to pump, I can breathe into my body and let it go as my friends all around me do the same thing.  I now know what I really appreciate and what I miss so much.

I miss the human touch, reactions, embraces, handshakes, and kisses. 2020 came in with a vision and as I look back in a clear view, I see that I am forever thankful for all of you who have supported me. I don’t know what 2021 will bring, but I am hopeful that things will improve. Let’s face it, we may never be the same again, but if we can possibly do one thing a day to make one other person’s day better then let us start there.

Be the One who can make a difference…a call, a text, and an unexpected moment of gratitude towards a stranger. 

In the meantime, as we say See You Later Alligator to 2020 ~

 Let’s invite in, the elephant in the room – 2021.

Sisters are like waves.

The first memory I have of my sister was of us, going to piano lessons together and when we were done, she would leave minutes before me, my heart panicking, racing as I ran after her running down the street to catch up to her only for her to stop long enough to let me catch up so our mother could see us...walking together home.

It was always like that, when we were young, she was the middle child and I the youngest. She could paint, was a student leader of her class and always knew how to smooth out any situation. As the years went by and I was 16 and pregnant, my sister drove like mad from Kingsville to meet her first nephew and the apple of her eye, Nathan. She would be the BEST aunt ever! And as the years progressed and we grew older together, we shared so many laughs, eating way too much and shopping together when we would visit. Baseball games and dancing, swimming, and yes sadly, even sharing the early beginning burdens of our mother getting sick.

When our mom died, it was the first shared experience of us losing our warrior mom. Our mom was your biggest hero and well, the one person who could bring you down to reality in a New York second. We gently maneuvered through this loss together and shortly after my sister, got engaged, married, and had her first child.

The years that followed brought more children into the fold and while sisters at heart, we also carried on in our own lives – careers, children, husbands. The distance between San Antonio and Dallas is about 5 hours apart, and it grew harder and harder to celebrate moments.

In 2013 our father got sick and the following year, we endured many sisterly challenges. Our brother was always Switzerland. Neutral, never wanting to tip the boat between sisters. After our father died and my husband soon there, after she was the one closing down Carl’s office with me. I recall her holding my hand down so I could sign the paperwork because my shaking hands could not be still. She was the rock.

She drove to Denver that year to see me and the kids for Christmas and stayed until she had to return for her own family holiday. It was then I stood in the front yard of my cold rental home and cried. Cried because I was alone.

The years that followed were in and out, me trying to figure out my new life and being silent and still. My sister being patient.

And so, as I help her celebrate her Birthday, the image of waves hitting the beach shores comes to mind. We used to walk the beaches in the morning with our mom, picking up sand dollars...skipping in the waves. While we have had years together and some apart, we can still sit, laugh, talk the serious talk and look at each other in the eyes and see our mother and father’s facial expressions, and know, like waves hitting the beach, we will always have each other.