Embracing Life’s Twists: How I Found Joy After Tragedy

The Pipoly Family

Embracing Life’s Twists: How I Found Joy After Tragedy

When I thought I was in the final year of my dad's life, I did not realize I was in the final year of my marriage.

I have been quiet for a while now. It's been hard to put into words how the last ten years have somehow crept up on me and my feelings. There is much to unpack, so this is just a fair warning.

No one ever said to me I would be doing life alone at the age of 46. When I met my husband at age 20, I thought we would spend a very long time together even though he was 20 years older than me.  I am thankful we did have 26 years of friendship and marriage together. I must admit that sometimes, because of my lack of desire to do something, I remind myself how much I did in those 26 years. I got to travel everywhere, meet very important people, and experience things that are precious core memories. I hosted parties, ran through airports, and missed flights because Carl and I were sharing a bottle of wine. We sat staring out airport windows at snowstorms, thinking we didn't care because we had each other. We watched our kids grow up and celebrated their victories. I was so blessed.

So yes, when I thought I was in the final year of my dad's life, I did not realize I was in the final year of my marriage. As I look back, would I have done anything differently? Probably not.

But I didn't know what was ahead for me after Carl died. My kids have given me such a great sense of strength and support. So, as I look back at the last decade of my life as Esther, here is what I reflect upon:

I had to fight for life insurance.

I left a city that embraced me to come back to Texas.

I returned to my childhood home.

I found new friends.

I kept a few old ones around who cheered me on.

I started a new business that people needed help understanding.

I made a few bad business decisions.

I unquestioningly trusted others.

I felt small.

Also,

I had a grandchild, and everything changed.

I became someone a small person looked up to.

I was a voice of strength for him.

I found my New number one thing.

I watched my son get married.

I gained a new daughter.

I saw my daughter get her master's degree and enter Law School.

I found my voice again.

I found what I loved and started believing that I was where I belonged.

I looked in the mirror and saw someone who acknowledged the sadness, but I am joyful for everything I have learned.

Now,

I am hopeful that in the next ten years, I will see my daughter become a Lawyer.

I will continue to see my son as a wonderful husband and father to his wife and son.

I will see my grandson go through elementary, middle, and high school.

I will sell my business and allow someone to take on the vision I had to help others.

I will see more grey hairs and wrinkles take over my body, and I will be okay with that transition.

I will probably get slower.

I have learned to be still and be quiet.

I have started saying I Love you more often.

I have learned when to hit the Stop button and say "No" more.

No one said life would be fair, but it has certainly been interesting. I Thank God daily for being here to help others and remind myself how alone I was and how many people needed me and LOLA.

The silence has been difficult because it makes you feel all kinds of emotions. But I go back to my friend and Coach, Dr. Sandra Steen, who helped me identify my inner Warrior Child- the young girl who will stand with you and guide you. She brought that to the surface when I started LOLA and told me never to forget my inner warrior child- because that is who moves me through all of the pain, frustration & sadness. I am Thankful for the Warrior in me.

Thank you to all who have made the 10-year journey with me, from friends in Denver who have never forgotten about me and checked in to my San Antonio friends who have paved a new way of life with me.  Thank you to family members who always support me and business colleagues who have always helped me with answers and a soft place to land in my moments of questioning myself and my vision.

But I am incredibly Thankful to my children, Nathan, Katherine, and Adyn, for continuing to make me laugh, smile, and be proud, whether they are near or far. Of course, I cannot forget my Number One Thing—Noah, who does make being a grandma so wonderful. I can hardly wait to witness your journey and make wonderful memories together.

Cheers to the Next 10 years~

Esther/LOLA

The New Year and New Hope

How did we get to March so fast?

It has been a minute since I last blogged about LOLA and my life. A lot has happened. At the end of 2022, I entered a new business partnership with a Compliance Firm. It made so much sense to me because they had a team that could help LOLA grow. Together with two amazing leaders, we set off on a course to see how to scale up LOLA.

In the middle of the 2023-year LOLA held its first Workshop at Watershed Church. Using our LOLA Playbook, we weaved together case studies and professionals to create a one-day event that brought together the idea of getting prepared. It was a huge success, and we knew we were onto something.

We hit a nerve. And Caregivers now had a place to find all their answers.

By the last few months of 2022, we realized the new company's conception would not work. I think one of my best assets and instincts is that I can decide quickly when to back off on something. I leaned into my team (my personal Board of Directors) and decided to hit the stop button. While it was a painful decision, it was one that we all three decided was best for everyone.

As I entered 2024, I knew a few things,

1. Listening to my gut is almost always right.

2. Not being afraid to make a decision that would initially feel painful was not going to kill me.

3. And finally, what comes out of making hard decisions are people who want to help and see me succeed.

LOLA has grown significantly since 2017. As we enter our eighth year, we are conducting workshops. We continue to help employers and assist and guide families through the most difficult times.

Our team of professionals has grown, and we are incredibly blessed with the support we have had throughout the years.

We hope you find the four-leaf clover this month. If we can be of any assistance, please let us know.

~Esther

Flying SOLO

Life Transition.

It is never easy. As I sat on a zoom call with a group of professional women today discussing Grief, we all shared our thoughts on how this year has felt and all the different things we have experienced.

I sat staring into the eyes of a Beautiful woman, who had lost her husband unexpectantly this year. She and her adult daughters were devastated, and I could see myself in her. I spoke in the kindest voice I could offer her and heard myself say ~

 “I am in my 6th year and I have had to make some hard decisions this year, one being to begin my own life for myself and it has been difficult. One of my kids is angry for the decision to pull away and the other cheers me on, just know, I am here to hold the flashlight for you.”

I sat back and reflected.

Yes, this year has had many transitions.  Selling my childhood home, thinking I could live with my son and his fiancé in what we were trying to build together ~ a generational home. But as the days inched closer, I thought, I still needed to be by myself and learn to love myself alone. How would I ever even open the possibility of allowing someone else to love me if I am living with my son? I am 52. I know I am still young, and Carl told me to LOVE AGAIN.

So slowly putting the wheel in motion, I pulled out my excel spreadsheet to begin the journey. I know it sounds crazy, but I needed to know my baseline on finances, I needed to understand how I would do this ~ alone. I went to meet my lawyer and he encouraged me to be set free to fly on my own. He then said something I found myself leaning my head back and laugh at, he said ~ “EVEN AN ADVOCATE NEEDS AN ADVOCATE!”

I knew I needed to get my life-long items out of the house and that it would charge emotions, so I took my lawyer’s advice and hired Lone Star Legacy Liquidators who is not only a Trusted Partner for LOLA but also a LOLA Advocate.

Jesse Morales and his team walked through the list and showed up, packed and boxed everything and I didn’t even have to show up!  They handled everything down to reorganizing my storage unit. They held my hand through this life transition, and I am forever grateful. While flying solo is scary for me, I have landed in the softest place ever with a friend who loves puzzles, gardening, and WINE. It’s a start and I know my kids will eventually see that this selfish move is not more than a move for me to finally fly solo.

I am so lucky, my kids have landed and found love and partners and I always said once they found people who loved them as much as I did then I could move on.  I think this is called a life transition and yes, I did need a LOLA Advocate and am so thankful for Jesse and his team.

 #lossoflifeadvocates #griefsupport #guidance

Sisters are like waves.

The first memory I have of my sister was of us, going to piano lessons together and when we were done, she would leave minutes before me, my heart panicking, racing as I ran after her running down the street to catch up to her only for her to stop long enough to let me catch up so our mother could see us...walking together home.

It was always like that, when we were young, she was the middle child and I the youngest. She could paint, was a student leader of her class and always knew how to smooth out any situation. As the years went by and I was 16 and pregnant, my sister drove like mad from Kingsville to meet her first nephew and the apple of her eye, Nathan. She would be the BEST aunt ever! And as the years progressed and we grew older together, we shared so many laughs, eating way too much and shopping together when we would visit. Baseball games and dancing, swimming, and yes sadly, even sharing the early beginning burdens of our mother getting sick.

When our mom died, it was the first shared experience of us losing our warrior mom. Our mom was your biggest hero and well, the one person who could bring you down to reality in a New York second. We gently maneuvered through this loss together and shortly after my sister, got engaged, married, and had her first child.

The years that followed brought more children into the fold and while sisters at heart, we also carried on in our own lives – careers, children, husbands. The distance between San Antonio and Dallas is about 5 hours apart, and it grew harder and harder to celebrate moments.

In 2013 our father got sick and the following year, we endured many sisterly challenges. Our brother was always Switzerland. Neutral, never wanting to tip the boat between sisters. After our father died and my husband soon there, after she was the one closing down Carl’s office with me. I recall her holding my hand down so I could sign the paperwork because my shaking hands could not be still. She was the rock.

She drove to Denver that year to see me and the kids for Christmas and stayed until she had to return for her own family holiday. It was then I stood in the front yard of my cold rental home and cried. Cried because I was alone.

The years that followed were in and out, me trying to figure out my new life and being silent and still. My sister being patient.

And so, as I help her celebrate her Birthday, the image of waves hitting the beach shores comes to mind. We used to walk the beaches in the morning with our mom, picking up sand dollars...skipping in the waves. While we have had years together and some apart, we can still sit, laugh, talk the serious talk and look at each other in the eyes and see our mother and father’s facial expressions, and know, like waves hitting the beach, we will always have each other.

My dog keeps waking me up at night...

Yep, every night around 3:30 AM Charlee my beloved Chocolate Labrador jumps over me on my bed to take her outside. At first, this was sooo annoying, I kept thinking, I am losing precious sleep. But then something happened.

I walked outside with her instead of standing at the door and started looking up to the moon in its different phases and it occurred to me – I get it. I was being reminded of growing and patterns.

We all tend to look at each year and rush out the gate in January to new rules, goals, and resolutions. We are measured by our jobs in our performance by quarters and we push, push, push!

My financial advisor looks at the numbers and gives an analysis of where I am and where I need to be, to be secure. The year starts to fly by when we feel the heat on our skin and the splashing of kids jumping in pools, the smell of our neighbor’s charcoals, and the sweat rushing down the sides of our temples while outside trying to water our yellow crunchy grass.

We can’t help but feel nauseous when we start seeing the Halloween stuff go up and shortly after the Thanksgiving reminders and yes, the Christmas trees. A slow groan runs deep within my soul feeling like I am less than more as I eat a bag of almond joys and snickers.

So here I am standing outside, at 3 AM and I am staring at the moon and reminded we all need to stop the rushing, pushing, and internal measurement of “where you are supposed to be” and just be still in yourself. You are alive, you are amazing, you are doing good for yourself, and your family. You are Beautiful.

Embrace the moments, because we are not guaranteed any certain amount of them. Stop listening to anyone who wants to scare you with your future self and, be like the moon.

Know you have phases and appreciate each of them. So, thank you Charlee for not only waking me up to let you out but for making me step outside and look up at the one thing that guides us all. My moon.

Peace to all of you.