Grateful

Grateful.

It is an appropriate word for this time of year~

I have to admit, the past two years have been a roller coaster, and I have had a VIP pass to all of the events. When 2020 began, I had high hopes for LOLA. I was in my 4th year of a start-up business, and the year was off to a great start.

Clearly, I remember being in Laredo, Texas, and hearing the County Judge at a hospital ribbon-cutting event say, "we are shutting everything down." I drove back to San Antonio feeling like I was living in a movie, unbelievable. The ensuing days that followed were surreal, with businesses large and small feeling the effect of a pandemic. WHAT NOW?

PPP. PPE. EIDL….

Covid19 immunizations, are they to be trusted? Rushed.

I could see and feel the turmoil, but we at LOLA lived through this reality on another side. Families were separated, medical professionals were overwhelmed and, medical facilities were bursting at the seams. Families were suffering; they were unprepared and grieving without the human touch that is so essential before, during, and after a loss. Our new reality was only beginning.

I can recall walking a client through the decisions and process of her mom coming off the ventilator. We discussed plans and her sadness. Hours later, I answered her phone call only to hear the cries of a daughter wishing she had more time, wishing she could hold her mom.

2020 was brutal ~ there were so many families affected.

As we entered 2021, there was hope.

Except, my reality for the new year was not what I had hoped for and envisioned. I got painfully sick, had double pneumonia, lost 12 pounds, and felt weak—what a horrible way to begin a new year. We were at the height of a pandemic.  Families were calling, companies were calling, and I was lying on my back ~ taking calls and forwarding them to other LOLA Advocates. For almost four months, I felt helpless.

I spent the rest of 2021 crawling back up, getting back to what was necessary for company growth, and focusing on life. I allowed myself to be vulnerable, and for the first time in years, I allowed myself to eat and gain weight. I learned to ask for help from my children and yield to them.

If 2021 taught me anything, it was to learn to love myself and the world. My heart was a sponge. When the people who meant the most to me were hurting, my body took it all on. I became a human storage unit of grief. I had to make a change.

I think, as an entrepreneur, one of the most honorable things to know is when you have grown a business to its potential in your mind and turn it over to a new style of potential to develop even further.  So, in November, I took a step. I put myself back on the ledge, and with the help of great Coaches, I told myself it was time to focus on what I LOVE and get out of the way. Get a new breath of freshness into LOLA.

This new year, 2022, holds the most excitement for the company LOLA as her (Lola's) grandson, whom she loved, takes the wheel and charges forward so I can focus on growth in a new direction. The most loving thing I can do is respect what I dreamt about, grew, and made into a healthy 6-year-old – be, become, and continue to inspire myself and help others.

Cheers to 2022, to coming out of the fog, gaining clarity, and for me, holding more hands and Loving LOLA. And if the world throws us more lemons, let us make lemonade.

Esther

This Moment

This moment.

Maybe it has taken me 7 years to get to this moment, to realize that what I am doing is for this very moment – this snapshot in time.

Today was difficult, and yesterday was hard…because we knew what was coming. September 28th. The mark of time where we three, sit with our feelings and try and act like – we are ok. But we are not. We are still grieving what we all miss when we share special moments like a wedding or a celebratory dinner… the one person who somehow made us complete. Carl.

Loss is never easy, I explain that when I have an initial consult with a client and new friend because that is what we become as we share the journey together. I made it clear that I would never lie to anyone when it came to grief. It stinks, it stings, and it never gets easier. You just look at it through different lenses.

But today, we went about trying to make ourselves busy. I took the day off with the exception of 2 calls I had to make for work. Then we set out to find some sense of adventure because that is what Carl would have wanted.

After many attempts and the day grew hotter, we settled on lawn ornaments for Halloween, one of Carl’s favorite holidays leading into all the others. We took Noah’s jeep out and showed him how to clean it because every day Carl would come home, come inside, pour a glass of wine, and then go outside to clean his car. He was a maniac about it. Noah played in the bubbles, then we blew up his lawn ornaments and he jumped in to drive his jeep. We cheered and laughed and when the battery died, I jumped on his tricycle and he lept on back yelling- GOOOOO! We laughed and laughed and that was the moment when I saw the pictures later, that I realized we are coming out of the fog. Because we have this beacon of light and laughter leading us…our miracle in all of our darkness – Noah Jude Pipoly.

I always get questions about how I can do what I do ~ well the answer is twofold. One is I love helping others through their darkest moments. The second is, Noah. One day he will look back and say ~ she lived for the moments, gave me her best moments, and always loved me. He will know that life is a journey, and its most precious gift is time spent with those you love.

This moment was picture perfect.

Much Love, Esther