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2020 ~You know that one friend? The award goes to…
For me, 2020 brought out the best and worst of all of us. We quickly figured out who was in our corner and who we needed to be wary of…. But there is THE one person who is one of my FAVORITE people in the whole wide world who helped me make it through 2020.
For me, 2020 brought out the best and worst of all of us. We quickly figured out who was in our corner and who we needed to be wary of…. The ones that made you laugh, who encouraged you, and those who you decided needed to be blocked because the differences were too loud for you. For me this year has brought back the people & friendships who have leaned into me and I into them.
But there is THE one person who is one of my FAVORITE people in the whole wide world who helped me make it through 2020. You know, the person you could get stuck in an elevator with and laugh for hours…and when the firemen open the doors you go, “how you doing?” Friends style…
A little back story.
The first time I met my person of 2020, we were a match made in life… we met in 2006 at PCA Health Plan. We worked together and celebrated moments of happiness, talked about Seinfeld episodes, and also vented about our ongoing management that was ever-changing. We drove miles to be with each other to have lunch. And when one day at lunch he said he was having heart surgery he did it so fast between, by the way, and turned to the waiter at lunch and said I will have an ice-tea, I almost died…like…umm I need a little bit more runway for this type of news!
So, for years, my 2020 person was the one I could pick up the phone and say ~ HEY, How, you Doing? ~ (Friends style) and we would pick right up no matter how many days, months, or years went by.
But then came the dark time when my 2020 person walked me through my dad’s end-of-life transition. He was My Person to say ~ it sucks, but time will heal you~ and he was right.
And within weeks, as my husband laid in a bed dying my husband said ~ CALL JOSE, HE KNOWS WHAT TO DO AND WILL BE THERE FOR YOU.
And yes, Jose, my 2020 person, was there on the runway at the San Antonio international airport, waiting for me and probably got the only scream I let out loud. My only moment of losing it…he was so calm and cool you know the voice I needed to hear at that time. ~ Pip I got you~ he said.
So, fast forward and pop into 2020, and yep IF I could go through this year with ANYONE, for me it was my friend Jose Martinez. We laughed so much this year, masks on, hand sanitizer spray you name it, we had curiosity around what was going on in the world and had moments of sadness and disbelief, and we did it together. I am so Thankful for a friend like him and his partner Paul, who put up with us!
Who is your 2020 person of the year?
Don't Give up Now.
Don’t give up now. For LOLA, I have to admit I have witnessed and listened to families grieve like NEVER before. While some people may take this post as a political message, I say to you this ~ Death is not political.
Don’t give up now.
As we enter into September, I can vividly see back in March when we first entered into COVID19 hibernation and pandemic when Dr. Fauci said, “we could be into this for months at least until August”… AUGUST?!!! My kids and I freaked! Good grief how will we ever make it? Toilet paper, paper towels, food limits, could we do this for the next 5 months?
As we entered into May, we had conflicting messages ~ it’s ok to go out, don’t wear a mask, wear a mask, open up restaurants and bars, shut them down, go back to work, go home. Need I go on?
In our sweet Texas town of San Antonio, so blessed with many people who are friendly and love our Mexican food, (mainly tacos) we started the summer with Memorial Day. Families gathered, friends got together, and graduations began like none other before. New ways of celebrating life’s most important moments were captured on social media. I have to hand it to families with high schoolers graduating, they made some really cool moments.
In late June, our numbers of those infected crept up and our community was clearly under attack. Precautions were taken and we slowly went back to our homes being cautious.
For LOLA, I have to admit I have witnessed and listened to families grieve like NEVER before. While some people may take this post as a political message, I say to you this ~ Death is not political. Death will take us all and does not care whether you are young or old or relatively healthy or not ~ Death is sad.
Families are hurting, families are struggling to balance home schooling, work and life.
Families are watching their loved ones die on Facetime or Zoom. They cannot wrap their brains around this reality. Families who were in need of hearts, had cancer or some major illness, are grieving their loved ones who are also dying during this muted time. Families are struggling and sad.
My message is simple ~ No matter what the media shows you ~ DO NOT GIVE UP NOW.
Continue to do everything to protect the ones you love as well as strangers. Now more than ever is a time to be Selfless.
If you know someone needing support during this time, please let us know, we are here to help.
www.lossoflifeadvocates.com
Half empty or half full ~ mid year thoughts
Glass half full or half empty… As we entered into July, I knew I needed to evaluate the year, how far have I come and how far do I have to go to reach my 2020 goals?
Year half full or half empty…
As we entered into July, I knew I needed to evaluate the year, how far have I come and how far do I have to go to reach my 2020 goals?
I was so optimistic about ringing in the New Year with my friends and family! Wow…2020, I made it through the 5-year mark of being a widow, a single mom, a new business owner and so much more. I wanted more than anything for this year to be the year of transition for me.
I close my eyes and can still feel the loneliness after losing my partner of 26 years. And I remember the words coming out of my mouth to anyone’s questions~ just give me 5 years. Why 5 years? Because I had spent the previous 26 with a man who I met on a blind date, who ended up being my forever person and I did what no other human wants to do, I crossed him over the threshold of death. I have so many widow friends who jumped right on into dating, and I never judged them because everyone manages death and loss differently. I, on the other hand, gave myself the time to just BE. Be Me. Be mom. Be Esther.
So, flash forward to 2020 and I knew this was THE year to start building my own dreams. And well so far, I can’t say this is what I was envisioning. What I got was so much MORE than I ever thought I would get. I got time with my kids, to talk, laugh and learn together. To allow ourselves to not focus on the future but focus on the present day, living every moment to its fullest. There were a few moments we would ask out loud when our current status would be lifted and in the next breath, as we watched New York, we knew that we were in for the long haul. So, I took a deep breath…in and out.
I set out during this time to do as much creative work for LOLA as I could for my company and learned how technology was our friend and we could still reach our families and network of partners needing our help. We are unique, we do things you cannot even begin to imagine when a loved one is diagnosed or dying. We step in to do the business of it all so families can grieve and not worry about bill collectors. We manage chaos and can do this virtually.
As I take a breath at mid-year to reflect on what has passed and what is in front of us, I pause to ask the question, is the glass half empty or half full? I think in my heart it is more than half full. I know we have been lucky and safe these past 6 months, and I also see the emptiness of it as well ~ the goals I had, but I know someday will be realized. It may not be now but will happen.
I see in my glass half empty things I will never complain about again and I just plain miss ~ too many Starbucks coffee meet-ups, having idle chat with associates, partners, friends. Get togethers’ for dinner or a car ride to an event, or even attending an event together. Waiting at a restaurant for a table, and hearing families celebrate in a room. Seeing someone I genuinely care about and walk-up with vigor to hug them and say hello, visiting a friend in the hospital, holding my best friend’s newborn, the milestones of life~ just a few things I miss.
The answer is the glass can be half empty and half full~
Meltdowns
Meltdowns were happening before we all had to go home. We would call each other and tell each other how much work we had and how busy we were and how tired we were...
Meltdowns were happening before we all had to go home. We would call each other and tell each other how much work we had and how busy we were and how tired we were... then one day it all started to change, and as each day grew into another, we had to slow down, pivot, and find new ways to communicate, work with our clients and coworkers. Let’s face it, we all watched paint dry on the wall.
Our new norm has been to cram as many Zoom or WebEx calls into a day to feel like we were still busy and not losing ground. We have been tirelessly trying to figure out how to balance kids, spouses, and work all the while watching the world slowly come to a pause.
So, as I start to review emails coming in from different groups and publications taking notice of the Mental Health of their workforce and providing resources, I want to share my thoughts with you.
These last few weeks have felt like the time period right after my husband died when I felt sad and heavy and numb. I started to have the classic STERBS again, you know, eating, drinking, shopping too much. I was doing some things like an Indy 500 driver and other things like a sloth. I could not find balance. When he passed, grief and depression found me on my employer's 5th-floor bathroom floor. Crying so hard I could not catch my breath. I didn’t see the signs coming at me until I was there, in that space on the floor.
So, in these last few weeks, I have had to “check myself” and find new ways to love myself. I have had to slow down, remember to make lists and find time to love my family. Because NOW, will never happen again. Making dinner together, eating together, watching tv, taking walks together, or just talking outside will be hard to do once we start to re-enter the new frontier. So LIVE in the NOW.
The publications and emails are not wrong, some of us are at home and isolated and not handling things so well, and others are filling up the space so tight we feel our heads are going to pop off and when we return to work, we will be exhausted and have a Meltdown.
SO, take a deep breath 4,3,2, 1...in and out and breathe.
If you need support, there are several resources we can point you to for help. We work with a team of wonderful professionals. We are here to be a heart with ears for you and most of all remember you are LOVED.